Nurturing the Mama

As I reflect on the fact that it has been nearly 4 months since I have made a post to my actual blog, I realize I am learning a lot about balance right now. While my Facebook page has been decently active, I haven't found more than five minutes to sit down and write for this blog. What I have been doing is spending more time taking care of myself, and less time online.

Our lives as parents are busy ones. "Work" doesn't end when the lights turn out at the end of the day. We are "on call" all the time! If you are like me and burning the candles at both ends, it is so easy to get burned out/stressed out/tired. So how do we keep it all in balance? A good place to start is making sure you are taking care of yourself, first.

Here are a few tips to inspire you to nurture yourself more:

-take 3 deep breaths in a row. Right now (while you are reading this, seriously!)
-practice journal writing for a few minutes. Clear your mind and empty it onto paper.
-make yourself a balanced meal
-drink a tall glass of water
-take a bath.... without a child in the tub with you!
-indulge in a good book whenever you can sneak time
-take a long shower... without a child in the tub with you!
-do a few yoga postures... stretch your body in any way that feels good
-go for a walk, even ten minutes is refreshing
-consciously relax all the muscles of your body, from your head to your toes
-if you are in a difficult or stressful situation, pause, take a few deep breaths, and then think about how you want to respond before you do (this is a tough one, but so effective!)
-reach out to something bigger than yourself (this may be God, Allah, the Universe- whatever label you want to use). Pray!
-call a good friend who you know will listen
-sing along to a favorite song.... dance, too!

Many of these suggestions can be done with your child(ren). Some (like the indulging in water purification) are best done with a little privacy. I hope you find several moments every day to nurture yourself, to listen, to respond, to breathe. We are better parents when we are balanced! Remember, taking care of yourself, taking time for yourself- it isn't selfish- it is necessary in order to be able to give unconditionally to our families.

What tips do you have for nurturing yourself, and keeping in balance?

Baby-wearing Daddy

Gotta love baby-wearing, especially when Daddy is the one carrying!

I have witnessed such a deep bond of love and trust between Dada and son, and I think a lot of this is due to Daddy's willingness to carry, love and nurture in a way that many fathers think are just for mothers! Dads are missing out if they haven't tried baby-wearing. Do you know a baby-wearing Dad?

Why Sign?

Communication is an integral part of our society. We use communication all day long as we interact with the world around us. Most of this communication is done verbally, however, there is a more subtle art to understanding, interpreting, and acting upon body language and postural cues. From day one I watched my son communicate with me through his eyes, his hands, his subtle body movements, his cries, his coos. It was evident that there was abundant intelligence within him, that he was processing much from me and his environment, yet I did not yet understand how to interpret everything that he was putting out. I responded using my voice and through touch, always communicating what was going on, reassuring him, soothing him, and so on. I didn't use baby talk, or talk down just because he was an infant. I expected him to understand me, and for me to understand him.

I learned through experience how to listen, how to respond, and read more into his form of communication. Babies don't have the muscle command or development to be able to speak until they are close to their first birthday, or beyond. However, all babies have the ability to use their hands and faces to express their thoughts and desires *much* earlier. I was turned on to sign language from a friend, and started reading into it while I was pregnant. "Of course!" I thought, it just makes so much sense! What are the disadvantages? I couldn't come up with any. (No seriously! I suppose taking the time to learn a new language is the only caveat). Here are some of the advantages of learning sign language, and teaching it to your children.

Communication
I began signing with my son around age five months. At first, I just introduced a few signs, such as "milk," "more" and "all done." He responded by using the milk sign back to me at about seven months. Elation! I didn't have to try to figure out what he wanted, he could tell me! Shortly after, around the time he began experimenting with solid foods, we added the sign "eat." He could clearly tell me if he wanted more of something, such as playing a certain game, reading a book, more food, or so on. The thrill of being able to give and receive this communication was nothing short of a miracle. I hear and see parents say they figure out how to communicate with their children verbally, or the child points, or whines to get what they want. There is no need for this, and in my opinion, it is so much easier to give the child the tools to communicate their desires in a healthy and productive way. Wouldn't you rather see your child sign instead of whine or cry? Much less stress, in my experience. Sometimes of course, he does forget, and might whine for a moment, and I remind him to tell me through signing what he wants. Relief runs over his face, and he shows me, and we are both happier.

Sensitivity
Learning limits, and Adonai (my son) having a clear way to feed this back to me is so important. He can tell me when he is "all done" with an experience. Perhaps it is nursing, or eating food, or playing with a playmate, or being in a busy environment like the grocery store. Rather than fussing or crying, he simply signs that he is done, and I can respond appropriately. At times, if I can't drop what I am doing (like at the grocery store), I can feed back to him that I understand his desire, "I understand you are all done with being here right now. I need to get x, y, and z from this list for us to eat, then we will go home." Just responding with sensitivity, listening, and feeding it back to him does wonders. The edge of a tantrum can be completely avoided.



Responsiveness
A deep level of trust is established once communication is consistent and reciprocated. He looks to me for answers, for feedback of the environment, for help in processing his experience. If he hurts himself, instead of crying helplessly, he can show me where the pain is by signing "hurt" and pointing to the source of pain. As mobility and curiosity grows, so does the experience of falling, tumbling, tripping, and so on. I can't catch everything visually, and sometimes accidents happen that I can't see. If I miss seeing a fall, Adonai can come to me, certainly still in tears, but is able to sign hurt and show me where. I am able to soothe him more quickly, and we can move on. He has also had tummy aches, or teething pains that otherwise I might have been guessing what was going on. I can ask him if he is hurt, he can respond signing (or saying or nodding) "yes" and showing me where. This may sound like an elementary idea, but it makes a huge difference in our daily lives!

Awareness
Babies pick up so much from their environment. It has continually amazed me when Adonai points something out, and does the sign for it, and I might have not even seen it! Yesterday he signed "frog" and it took me a moment to look around and notice that the place we were visiting did indeed have a picture on the wall with a frog in it. He has a way of identifying images in his environment, and feeding it back to me showing his understanding.
Another level of self-awareness is through listening to the body and its cycles and needs. Adonai can point out when he is hungry, thirsty, wants milk, wants to take a bath, needs to go potty, wants to go for a walk, wants to read a book, and the list goes on. These skills were acquired through months of practice, but it really just took a little bit of time every day. Signing does not take any more effort than verbal communication- it just takes a willingness to learn on behalf of the parent.

Look for part two about signing, success stories, how to start, and some great resources to help you along the way! Coming soon :)

Toilet Independence!

The infant pottying turned into toddler pottying a while back, and I hadn't made the time to follow up about it. (Toddlers are a lot of work!) All of the effort that has been put forth toward communication, body awareness, listening, and observing has really paid off! Right in line with Independence Day, it seems we are free of the need for diapers!

Adonai turned 19 months a few days ago, and consistently, for the last six months he has been using the little potty on his own. He stopped for about 2 months between 11-13 months (correlating to gaining major mobility with walking), and then suddenly decided it was *his* idea to start going of his own accord. The trouble is, as soon as a diaper went on, he often would just go in the diaper (because it is easier, right?). The shift between it being my idea for him to go ("Do you need to potty?") to his idea (signing potty) has been an interesting process, but so rewarding.

For the last two months (17-18mos) he has had a lot of naked and diaper-free time, and that has served us wonderfully. Just this past week we have tried outings wearing underwear, and that has gone seamlessly! For the last couple of months we would do outings while wearing diapers, and often take it off when he would sign "potty," and just put it back on after he was done. There have been a few times, such as being in line at the grocery store a couple months ago, where he'll sign "potty" and I have to tell him to try to wait, or go in his diaper if he really needs to. Usually I do everything I can to drop what is in front of me and respond to his need. Foresight and forethought are developing on this, slowly but surely.

Last night at Trader Joe's he did fine with his underwear on, and we just used the potty before we checked out. I still ask before we go somewhere, and before we leave if he needs to potty, but for the most part, he communicates the need on his own. Today at the community pool he signed potty before we got in the pool, and then after about 45 minutes he wanted to get out, and needed to pee again. Nice to know for sure he isn't contributing the pottying in the pool epidemic! (Especially with the outbreak of shegella going on around here!) Man, sometimes I don't even want to get out of the water to pee! His diligence is admirable.

It is pretty exciting, especially when he is around 3 year olds who are wearing diapers and are blissfully unaware of their body's cycles. I am not sure what the long-term effects of this will be, but I am certain it will aid him toward being more in tune with himself, his needs, and toward respecting his body and its signals.

The Art of Infant Pottying

Before my son was born the topic of diapering, infant potty-training, EC (elimination communication) and so on came up between my partner and I. I started getting curious about the topic, and did a little research. My biggest questions were: what did our ancestors do before Pampers? What do cultures that don’t have access to diapers do? I knew there had to be a better way to work with my child’s elimination cycles. I have learned so much already through this journey, but I’ll start with the basics.

I believed in my child’s ability to communicate his needs to me. I knew it was my job to figure out what he was communicating, how he was doing it, and how to respond. I gave myself some parameters- the first month I’d give myself a break, an adjustment period into becoming a Mother, healing my body, getting some rest, and so on. At four weeks old we started cloth diapering, and noticed a shift in Adonai’s behavior. He preferred the cloth. I think it felt better on him that disposables. It kept us more awake to his elimination cycles- he was noticeably wet quicker. That was really the goal with this- for us all to be awake about his elimination, to be conscious, and respond to it. Children who wear disposable diapers become oblivious to the fact that they are even wetting themselves because they don’t feel it! Starting early, we knew we could harmonize more fully with what was natural- to teach Adonai to use the potty whenever possible

It started out with my feeble attempts at holding him over one of my most prized hand-me-downs- a baby bjorn blue potty seat. I held him in the squat position, my hands supporting the backs of his legs, his back to my belly, and made a “pss” sound. First attempt, he went right for it, and peed in the potty. I was astounded, surprised, actually, that it worked! I realized my fears and disbeliefs about this whole process working were in the way, so I worked to clean that up, quick! The first attempt was in the middle of the day, during a diaper change. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing, but it worked. Each successive attempt seemed fruitful too. In those early days, he went in the potty about 70% of the time. The best was at about 8 weeks old we got him going poop in the potty every morning- it was like clockwork. He would wake up between 6 and 7 am, and need to go, and we kept the potty right by our bed. He went every time, without fail. No misses, no messes, no poopy diapers to clean up. I could get used to this!!

Since then this process has been equally successful to the amount of time I invest into it. As the weather warmed, it became appropriate to let Adonai be diaper-free during the daytime on days I was home. I could really study him and figure out how often he was peeing, his cues, and so on. While holding him he would always squirm first and arch his back before peeing. Some people might think you are carrying a loaded weapon if you tote around a naked infant… but it is all a matter of perspective. When I was super diligent and attentive, most hours he would pee three times. Now that is a lot of attention to be focused on peeing! So it all depends on how much you want to put into it. It seems to not matter if I am super disciplined and he goes in the potty all day, and the next day I am out, or working, and not able to get him to the potty as often. He still knows what to do, and does it almost every time it is requested.

These days it has turned more into a system of routine. I know he pees when he wakes up, he pees after eating, he pees more in the late morning (still processing all that extra night-time nursing milk!). He poops nearly every morning. Sometimes the pooping takes patience, but it is so worth it. I love the fact that I can count on my fingers the number of poopy diapers I have cleaned in the last five months!

I don’t know that there is an exact universal science with this process. I think it is different for everyone. The only basic training I had was a strong desire, and about 10 minutes of a skim through the book “Diaper Free,” plus a crash course teaching from a friend who does it with her daughter. That was it. The rest we figured out on our own.

Now, at nearly six months, Adonai is very aware of his cycles. He is noticeably entertained while he pees- he watches with delight as it goes in the potty. He prefers pooping in the potty. A few times we haven’t caught or understood his moaning cries right before he poops. After the fact, of course, we realized if we had been paying more attention we would have known he was trying to tell us! Working with elimination communication is definitely an intuitive art. I found it has brought me a deeper awareness of my child’s needs, and heightened my ability to anticipate them. It has given me much pleasure to change less diapers, to create less waste, and to have a happy naked baby around. In the end, it really is less energy expended for an outcome that is definitely worth it.

Don’t get me wrong- we still diaper him. That’s a topic for another day- our favorite types, what we have found works, and so on. He still has wet diapers. But many days I go to potty him, and he is still dry, which is so exciting! He prefers to be dry (who wouldn’t!?) and he also prefers to be naked.

Have I been peed on? Yes, a few times. Have I been pooped on? Yes, but only once, and I was sitting on the potty myself. That was a sight to behold! He had already pooped some and I thought it was my turn to sit on the potty (the big potty, of course). Last time I made that mistake! We both laughed about it. Has he peed on our a bed? Only a couple of times (those organic waterproof pads sure do come in handy!). How many times has he gone in the potty, on cue? Too many to count! Is it worth it? Definitely!



Soon I will post a more definitive guide to the art of pottying, with pictures, of course. Until then…

Ahem Prema

I wake up in the morning, (and several times during the night!), so I am constantly presented with the opportunity to start a-new. In fact, this opportunity is available all of the time- to make a new choice- to seek to change, improve, love more, be more, give more. It is easy to get lost in the fog of sleep-deprivation, the stack of dishes, the never-ending to-do list, the endless needs of my little one… and seemingly never enough time for myself.

What I have realized is how important it is for me to stay on top of my thoughts, my attitude, my level of care and attentiveness in each moment. I have always “known’ this, yet how it is represented in my life via cause and effect in relationship to my son is loud and clear! When I become out of balance my whole world turns upside down. When you are with an infant sponge 24/7, you must be mindful of your state of being, and the content of your thinking, because it affects babies so very quickly. The good thing is, infants are masters of change!

A mantra that I used to use has entered into my life again-- “Ahem Prema,” which means, “I am Divine Love.” Pouring forth love, so much so that it emanates from my being and fills me up is so easy when I remember and invoke this simple mantra “Ahem Prema.” Often throughout the day I stop, take a deep breath, and say this mantra. I image myself pouring forth light and love, and see it channel through my being, uplifting the environment around me, and most importantly, my son.

Be a master of your thoughts. When you are awake to what you are choosing to fill your mind and your heart with creates your environment, y our affect on others, and your presence as a Mama. Fill your mind and your heart with pure love, and cause it to radiate forth from the center of your being. It will give your more to give in the act of service of nurturing your child, your relationship with others, the Earth, and your Self.